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Local merchants sell out of ‘weapons’ in USU Human-Zombie conflict

October 5th, 2011 Posted in Arts and Life

By the Staff of JCOM 1130

LOGAN—As the human population has diminished, survivors have flocked to weapons dealers and ammunition supply centers in preparation for a long battle against the undead.

The local Walmart is currently sold out of 15 different models of Nerf guns.

“We didn’t have enough time to order in new guns. What we have is what we have,” said Annile, an assistant manager of Walmart, who declined to provide her last name when discussing the state of the nation’s anti-zombie weapons supply. “Ammo is going the fastest right now.”

The only guns in stock at this point are larger scale weapons that many humans consider to be difficult to carry around campus. “The best-selling are ones that are small and compact. Right now the Nerf Maverick is the top seller,” Annile said.

Jarod Benowitz, a human moderator and captain, uses the Nerf Raider for protection. “It is a single-shot and a drum clip can be attached to the gun,” Benowitz said.

A veteran of the worldwide resistance against the zombies, Benowitz said he has come to trust his Raider to keep him safe — even though the weapon once jammed in an intense battle.

“So far I have not died in two years,” he said.

Other humans prefer guns that are long-distance shooting and battery powered.

“I use the Stampede CS-18. It is fully automatic and battery powered. It will last nearly 200 hundred rounds before having to replace the battery,” said Jason Parker, a freshman studying biological engineering.

Three types of defense have been found successful in the human’s quest to remain safe: Nerf guns, throwing darts and sock bombs. Nerf guns have been a liable option, but the sock bomb is an increasingly preferred weapon that provide humans the option of mounting longer range aerial attacks.

Walmart did not respond to requests for information about the community’s available sock supply.

UnDeadline reporters Jaron Dunford, Kylee Geisler, Lauren Gould, Dano Platt and Nathan Sorenson contributed to this report.


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