Column: Obama, some Dems to join Republican Party
August 6th, 2011 Posted in OpinionBy Martin Zook
WASHINGTON – In a move that caught many Republicans by surprise, President Obama today dropped in the Rose Garden the announcement that he will immediately realign his party affiliation, becoming a Republican in time to enter the Iowa caucuses in seeking re-election.
“This will come as a surprise to many of you, although it shouldn’t if you have carefully studied the accomplishments of my administration,” Obama said, as the first lady stood behind him. “Our first act was to sign onto a bailout plan for the financial and automotive industries, and other corporations in need of welfare.
“Our adoption nationwide of Mitt Romney’s healthcare plan locked in our Republican bona fides.
“And, the debt reduction package should make apparent a shift in direction that actually began before I officially took office,” Obama said in prepared remarks.
“Hey man. You don’t have to tell me which way the wind’s blowing,” the president remarked to Vice President Joe Biden after his official remarks. The aside to Biden was caught on an open mike that the president thought was off.
“No f’in’ big deal,” responded Biden.
Republicans, on the other hand, were struck nearly speechless by the president’s announcement.
“He can’t do that, can he? He’s a socialist,” said Sarah Palin before delivering the keynote address at the Prosperity Conference, sponsored by Koch Industries, which beamed in Obama’s announcement as the invitation-only audience filed into the gold-festooned Free Enterprise conference center in Wichita. When asked to elaborate on her assessment, Palin searched her ink-stained hands but could not find a comment that matched the question.
“This does pose problems. I mean, look at him, he’s not like us,” said a winking national leader of the Tea Party, who requested anonymity on the grounds his remarks are not officially sanctioned. “Oh, I don’t have a problem with it,” remarked a founding father of the Tea Party: “As long as he gets his gluteus maximus in line behind Boehner. These guys in Washington need to understand who’s driving the bus.”
While the door is open for the incumbent president to defect, it is not clear that lesser Democrats will be welcomed in the Grand Old Party. “We’re in the process of developing a purity test,” said Sen. Gall Paul, the newly elected Tea Partier from Tennessee, adding, “something based on that turn your head and cough exercise. That would definitely leave the blue dogs in the dog house.”
“Hey, our tent is big, but there are limits,” said a staffer at the Republican National Committee. “We like beating up on these guys, so while it’s ok to have some of them in the pews, we at the same time prefer opponents who seem so satisfied with us sticking it to them.”
In a somewhat unrelated development, plans to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a Democratic member of Congress were scratched. Officials cited Democrats’ inability to cast a shadow.
Martin Zook has chopped wood and hauled water for a long time in the Information Age. He currently is a freelance writer/editor/rearch-analyst. He can be reached at martinzook@gmail.com
Tags: Obama, satire, US politics
2 Responses to “Column: Obama, some Dems to join Republican Party”
By Andy on Aug 8, 2011
Obama joing GOP? Wow, the skies must be falling. Is this some kind of joke? The last time I heard, he couldn’t wait to tear the GOP’s heads off.
By Jonathan Pope on Aug 9, 2011
LOL. It’s funny how Obama has gone from icon of the left, to despised figure head.
However, the day Obama becomes a conservative is the day the sky falls.